How to Approach a New Year When the Past Has Been Heavy

Written By Sam Miller

By Sam Miller | Dreaming Made Simple

Every new year comes with expectations.

Fresh starts.
Big goals.
Renewed energy.

But for many people—especially adults with disabilities, caregivers, educators, and those carrying grief or burnout—the new year doesn’t feel exciting.

It feels heavy.

If that’s where you are, hear this clearly from the start:

There is nothing wrong with you if you’re tired instead of hopeful.

This reflection isn’t about forcing optimism or pretending everything is fine.
It’s about finding a gentler, more honest way forward when life has already taken a lot out of you.

Why the New Year Can Feel So Hard

When the past year (or several years) has been filled with disappointment or uncertainty, the turn of the calendar can bring up:

  • grief for what didn’t happen

  • fear of repeating the same struggles

  • pressure to “do better” when you’re already exhausted

  • comparison with people who seem to be thriving

  • shame for not feeling excited

For adults with disabilities and those who support them, uncertainty isn’t seasonal—it’s ongoing.

So instead of asking:
“How do I reinvent myself this year?”

A better question might be:
“How do I move forward without abandoning myself?”

The New Year Is Not a Reset Button

The calendar changes, but your story doesn’t disappear.

You still carry:

  • your body

  • your history

  • your grief

  • your resilience

  • your invisible labor

And that doesn’t mean you’re failing.

The goal of a new year is not to erase the past.
The goal is to enter it with compassion and truth.

Why Big Resolutions Often Backfire

Traditional New Year’s resolutions assume three things:

  • certainty

  • energy

  • control

When life has been heavy, those are often the very things that are missing.

That’s why resolutions can feel discouraging instead of motivating.

When the pressure is too high, progress shuts down.

Choose Gentle Intention Over Big Resolution

Instead of demanding change, consider choosing a gentle intention.

A gentle intention is not a rule or a promise.
It’s a direction.

Examples:

  • “This year, I want to protect my energy.”

  • “This year, I want to ask for help sooner.”

  • “This year, I want to notice progress instead of perfection.”

  • “This year, I want to listen to my body.”

Gentle intentions leave room for:

  • hard days

  • setbacks

  • slower growth

  • real life

And that’s what makes them sustainable.

Three Anchors for a Difficult New Year

Instead of goals, think about anchors—things that help you stay grounded when the year feels uncertain.

1. What Can Stay Small

Small is not weak.
Small is survivable.

Ask yourself:

  • What is one habit that feels manageable?

  • What is one boundary that protects my energy?

  • What is one tiny win I want to notice each day?

Small steps still move you forward.

2. What Can Stay Honest

Pretending you’re fine takes a lot of energy.

Ask:

  • Where do I need more honesty this year?

  • Who can I be real with?

  • What am I allowed to stop pretending about?

Honesty creates relief.
Relief creates space.
Space creates growth.

3. What Can Stay Supported

This anchor matters deeply—especially in disability and helping professions.

Ask:

  • Where do I need support instead of more effort?

  • What help have I been avoiding out of pride or fear?

  • What accommodations actually help me thrive?

Needing support is not a failure.
It’s a strategy.

A Personal Reflection

After seasons of grief and uncertainty, I stopped trying to “win” the new year.

I started trying to survive it with integrity.

Some years, courage looks like dreaming big.
Other years, courage looks like getting through the day.

Both count.
Both matter.

Permission You May Need to Hear

As you enter this year, you are allowed to:

  • move slowly

  • rest without guilt

  • feel hope and fear at the same time

  • change your mind

  • define progress differently

Permission reduces shame.
And shame blocks growth.

What Progress Might Look Like This Year

Progress doesn’t always look like improvement.

Sometimes it looks like:

  • maintenance

  • survival

  • choosing not to give up

  • showing up again

  • asking for help

  • protecting your energy

All of that counts.

Entering the Year as You Are

You don’t need to become someone new this year.

You just need to stay connected to who you already are.

Bring your courage.
Bring your fatigue.
Bring your hope.
Bring your uncertainty.

The new year doesn’t require perfection.
It requires presence.

That’s the heart of I’M POSSIBLE:
moving forward honestly, gently, and with dignity—no matter what the past has held.

Want Support for Yourself or Your Organization?

I work with:

  • adults with disabilities

  • families and caregivers

  • DSPs and human services teams

  • program directors and educational leaders

Through coaching, workshops, and training, I help people and organizations:

  • move beyond toxic positivity

  • reframe progress through a trauma-aware lens

  • reduce burnout

  • build compassion-centered cultures

👉 Learn more at DreamingMadeSimple.com

Sam Miller
Next

Four Years Later: What Grief Has Taught Me About Leadership, Service, and the Holidays