Do I Have What It Takes? Grief, Growth, and the Question That Leads to Purpose
By Sam Miller | Speaker, Coach, Author of I’MPOSSIBLE and I’MPOSSIBLE JOURNEY
“Grief doesn’t ask for permission. It shows up, uninvited, and turns everything upside down. But what you do next—that’s where your power begins.”
As someone who lives with cerebral palsy and who lost my father unexpectedly in 2021, I’ve learned something I wish I didn’t have to: grief is both a wrecking ball and a teacher. It breaks things wide open, but if you’re willing to sit with it—really sit with it—it also makes room for deeper questions, unexpected wisdom, and a more purposeful path forward.
One of the hardest and most transformative questions I asked myself in the wake of my father’s passing was this:
“Do I have what it takes?”
Not just to survive—but to thrive. To be present for my wife and daughter. To show up for my clients with honesty and hope. To live a life that honors my values, even when the pain is still raw.
This question didn’t come from a place of weakness. It came from courage. It came from the very human experience of loss—and the recognition that something new must be built from here.
And if you work with individuals with disabilities, support families, run programs, or guide educational systems, this question matters for you too. Because “Do I have what it takes?” isn’t just a personal question—it’s a universal one.
The Weight of Invisible Losses in Disability Communities
Grief doesn’t always come from death.
For many individuals you serve in day programs, schools, and nonprofit systems, grief shows up in invisible ways:
The grief of lost potential as defined by someone else’s standard.
The grief of being underestimated or excluded.
The grief of living in a world that doesn’t make room for your strengths.
As professionals, we are tasked with supporting individuals who face unique and compounding challenges. But we are also uniquely positioned to help them reframe the question:
Instead of “What have I lost?” we can ask, “What can I still give?”
Instead of “What am I missing?” we can ask, “What can I create from here?”
From Grief to Growth: What My Father’s Legacy Taught Me
When my dad died, the world stopped for me. He wasn’t just my parent—he was my champion. The man who believed in me when others only saw limitations. The voice who cheered the loudest during my hardest moments.
Losing him was disorienting.
But as the fog of grief lifted—slowly, stubbornly—I started to remember the values he lived:
Kindness over control
Presence over perfection
Effort over ego
I realized that legacy isn’t what someone leaves behind—it’s what they leave within you. And the best way I could honor my father was to live those values loudly.
So I did what I always do when I need clarity: I wrote. I journaled my way through the pain. I let every messy, uncertain, unfiltered thought hit the page. I didn’t try to fix the feelings—I gave them room to breathe.
And over time, something shifted. From my grief, a message began to take shape:
You’re not here to be perfect. You’re here to be present. You’re here to be a difference-maker.
Reframing Limitations: What Programs and Leaders Need to Know
Whether you’re directing a disability services nonprofit or managing an educational program, you’re no stranger to limitations—budgets, staffing, policy hurdles, and complex family dynamics.
But here’s what I’ve seen in my coaching, speaking, and lived experience:
“What we call a limitation can also be a catalyst.”
When my speech was unclear, I learned the power of listening. When my legs grew tired, I strengthened my resilience. When my path diverged from “normal,” I became a storyteller.
As leaders, our job isn’t to erase limitations. It’s to make space for new strengths to emerge.
For the Individual: From “I’m Broken” to “I’m Becoming”
When I coach individuals or speak to youth, I often begin with a core truth:
You are not a problem to be solved.
You are a person becoming—learning, adjusting, growing, and building from where you are.
That shift in mindset changes everything. It doesn’t erase grief, but it gives grief a place to transform.
It allows someone to say:
“I lost something meaningful. But I can still create something meaningful.”
“I feel stuck. But I am still moving.”
“I don’t have it all together. But I do have what it takes.”
Journal Prompts You Can Use with the Individuals You Serve
Whether you’re running a program, teaching in a classroom, or coaching staff, here are a few prompts I’ve used successfully in workshops to support emotional processing and purpose-driven reflection:
What does “having what it takes” mean to you—today, in this season?
What is one challenge you’ve faced that taught you something important?
Who in your life has believed in you? How did that shape you?
What values or strengths have helped you through grief or loss?
What’s one way you can honor someone you’ve lost—by how you live?
The Big Question: Do We Have What It Takes?
You may be reading this while trying to meet compliance standards, manage staff shortages, and still show up for your participants with full hearts.
I see you.
And I want to remind you:
The question “Do I have what it takes?” is not a trap—it’s an invitation.
The grief in your system, your clients, or your staff doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.
The ability to turn pain into purpose? That’s your superpower.
So yes, you do have what it takes.
You’re doing the brave work of building a world that welcomes, not just accommodates. You’re planting seeds of hope every day. You’re lighting the path forward—even when the way isn’t clear.
And I’m honored to walk beside you.
Tune in!
Recently, it was my honor to be a guest on Emily Thiroux Threatt’s Grief and Happiness podcast. The episode went live today, and I’d encourage you to listen here for either your benefit or for the benefit of a family member or friend who is grieving by clicking the button below.
Per Emily:
”If you’ve ever questioned your strength after a loss or wondered how to find light in grief, episode 356 is for you. Grief coach and author Sam Miller shares how losing his father—and living with cerebral palsy—led him to ask: Do I have what it takes? Through honest stories and personal insight, Sam shows how journaling, legacy, and perspective can turn grief into purpose. This uplifting episode is for anyone ready to find hope in the healing process.”
If this message resonates, I invite you to explore more of my story—and consider sharing it with someone navigating a similar path.
About Sam Miller
This blog was adapted from a chapter in my book:
📘 I'MPOSSIBLE JOURNEY: FINDING TREASURE IN THE MIDST OF GRIEF and my recent podcast appearance.
Sam Miller is the founder of Dreaming Made Simple. Born with cerebral palsy, he helps individuals and organizations reframe limits, find purpose, and unlock new possibilities through coaching, speaking, and workshops.
💬 Join the Conversation
➡️ Have you ever asked yourself, “Do I have what it takes?” What helped you answer that question with courage?
➡️ What would it look like to integrate purpose-driven reflection into your programming?
#DisabilityServices #GriefSupport #PurposeDrivenLeadership #EducationalInclusion #Resilience #DayPrograms #CoachingForChange #IEPInformed #DisabilityAwareness #DreamingMadeSimple