You Are Not a Problem: Overcoming Self-Doubt to Become a Difference-Maker
“I’m Sorry” and the Silent Burden We Carry
What if one of the first lessons you ever learned was actually misleading?
From a young age, most of us are taught to say, “I’m sorry.” It’s an important phrase—necessary for empathy, growth, and healthy relationships. But sometimes, we learn it too well.
Let me say this plainly—and I mean every word:
You are not a problem.
You are not a problem.
You are not a problem.
You might nod along, but do your actions and thoughts reflect that truth?
The Trip That Changed My Language—and My Life
Years ago, I spent a semester abroad in Costa Rica. During spring break, a friend and I took a trip across the country—bumpy terrain, uneven trails, and stunning scenery. But as someone with cerebral palsy, every step demanded energy and caution.
And every few steps, I apologized. “Sorry.” “Sorry again.” “Hold up—sorry.” I noticed my friend stopping often to help or wait, and I felt guilty.
Eventually, he stopped me. “Sam,” he said, “you say you’re sorry way too much. What do you have to be sorry for?”
That question stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t have a great answer.
When Internalized Limitation Looks Like Humility
As we talked, I realized how deeply I had absorbed the idea that I was “less than” or “in the way.” My guilt stemmed from not keeping pace, from needing help, from not being what I thought I should be.
I had internalized the idea that my disability made me a burden. So I tried to balance the scales by being inspirational, overly positive, and self-effacing.
That strategy “worked” for a while—but it wasn’t sustainable. And it certainly wasn’t honest.
The Positivity Trap
For years, I felt the pressure to be relentlessly encouraging. To stay upbeat. To show others that I was “more than my limitations.”
But here’s the truth: when we deny our pain, we deny ourselves.
More importantly, we shut the door on the real connection. You can’t build authentic relationships when one person is always pretending to be fine.
Becoming a Solution Instead of Seeing Yourself as a Problem
That day in Costa Rica, my friend reminded me: I wasn’t holding him back. I wasn’t a liability. I was his friend—and our trip had meaning because we shared it.
Yes, I moved more slowly. But in doing so, I gave us more time to absorb the beauty around us.
We often think we have to “overcome” our limits to be valuable. But sometimes, our unique pace or perspective is the very thing others need.
Reframing Limitations as Leverage
Let me offer you this:
Your limits don’t define your potential.
Your self-awareness is your superpower.
Your presence might be someone else’s breakthrough.
You are not a problem to be solved. You are a person with a purpose.
Reflective Questions
Let’s pause and reflect:
What do you apologize for too often?
Do your words and actions reflect that you believe you are not a problem?
How might others see your value in ways you’ve overlooked?
(Don’t be afraid to ask someone you trust for perspective.)
Turning the Page: From Self-Doubt to Service
You don’t have to “earn” your way out of being a burden.
You are not a problem.
You are a solution waiting to be lived out.
That mindset shift changes everything.
Final Thoughts: From “I’m Sorry” to “I’m Here”
You don’t need to overcompensate. You don’t need to minimize your needs or silence your struggles.
Your story matters. Your struggles matter. Your courage matters.
Let your life shine, not shrink. Because the world doesn’t need more perfect people—it needs real people who are learning to show up with what they have.
And that includes you.
About Sam Miller
Speaker | Workshop Leader | Coach | Author of I’MPOSSIBLE and I’MPOSSIBLE JOURNEY
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