From Surviving to Thriving
I’m not sure when I first realized I needed healing. Perhaps it was at age five when I suddenly sent out cataclysmic shockwaves by my matter-of-fact statement to my mom. “I have cerebral palsy,” I said. It’s doubtful I even knew what that meant.
Years passed before I consciously remember stopping to think about my reality. Stopping to think about my life could reveal even less control and say so over it than I previously acknowledged. Easier to keep going and power through without asking a lot of questions, I reasoned. It’s when we slow down that we have to confront something. Our circumstances become more real. Yes, easier to keep going and not think too much, I concluded for years.
I now realize that everyone needs healing. None of us escape life unscathed. Like Louis Armstrong sang, yes, “What a Wonderful World,” and yet, as he also recognized, what a scary and cruel place the world can be.
The old adage “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” could not be further from the truth. I still remember a teacher who told me that even if I had a thousand years to finish a project, I still couldn’t get it done. Or the comments about my limp. I bet you can think of unkind comments directed your way that hurt a lot more than a sore ankle.
Words stick. Words are powerful. Immediately after I emerged into the world, I was given a label: The doctor called me a “fighter” after I nearly died due to a lack of oxygen. I had no way of knowing the impact that label would have on me.
I’ve fought to prove myself for much of my life. I used to think that that mentality was a necessary part of life. Coping, struggle and isolation became my lens.
It doesn’t take long before each of us subconsciously defaults to survival mode. We think making the best of things is the way it’s always going to be, that we have no choice but to fight for whatever we can get and that the world is against us.
When you’re fighting, you start to think that you don’t need anyone. You shut people out.
Thankfully I’ve always had people in my life who wouldn’t leave me alone. That’s why I’m so passionate about redeeming what was lost or stolen in my life, and in the lives of others. People helped me shift from surviving toward thriving. (I’m still very much in the middle of that journey.)
I now acknowledge the fighter mentality has advantages and disadvantages. It's good to be persistent. No question, tenacity is needed in life. There’s also the other side, however - thought patterns that fear the worst, that anticipate opposition. Labels like “fighter” inform our outlook on life.
Perhaps, in one way or another, labels have told you that your power is limited - that you can only get so much out of life or such and such is what you can and cannot do - that your choices don’t matter.
I’m here to tell you those voices are wrong. There IS more for YOU! If you feel like you’re in survival mode, take a look at the following five tips I’ve used to get out of survival mode.
5 Tips to Getting out of Survival Mode
1. Take the time to hit pause and be honest with yourself.
Typically we don’t make changes while we’re in motion. It’s only when we come to a stop that we have the awareness to take stock of what’s really going on.
2. Pick one area to focus on.
From my experience, a lot of the reason why we don’t hit pause is because it’s easier to keep going. Slowing down can lead to overwhelm. One way to deal with overwhelm is to pick one area to work on. It’s amazing how making one change can create a domino effect.
3. Invest in professional help.
Some things are worth investing in - mechanics and any number of trades, for example. The investment may seem pricey up front, but chances are, you will ultimately save yourself a lot of time, energy and pain that you would have incurred by trying to do it yourself.
4. Find compassionate support.
In the midst of your transformation, you will be vulnerable. It’s important to be guarded about who what you allow into your sphere during this process. I’m not talking about enablement or coddling. Quite the contrary, you want to have at least one confidant who encourages you - lends you courage - and strength, instead of those who take away from you.
5. Regularly do something you enjoy.
During the pandemic, golf has been a saving grace for me. Every week, I play a round and recharge my joy as self care.
So often that transition starts with processing negative emotions in order to move forward. It’s hard to change what you don’t have any hope or belief for. That’s one reason why you and I can’t go life alone - We need help - Process the pain and get professional help so that hope and freedom can emerge. When you do, it'll be much easier to follow the nudge in your heart that excites you. Your dreams and goals are still inside you.
When you’re ready to take the next step forward - You don’t have to, nor can you effectively have it all planned out - reach out to me to process and game plan. You can also click on this clip to re-orient your dreaming and doing.
Cheering for you!
Coach Sam
*blog post includes excerpts from IMPOSSIBLE: Life Lessons on Thriving with a Disability. Published in April 2022.